I was just listening to a podcast by Jocko Willink about the “protocol in your head,” and it got me thinking. This is something that I tell my daughter all the time. When something happens in life and you react to it, you cannot control the way that you feel about it. But you can control your actions in that situation, and by controlling your actions you can ultimately control the way you feel when that situation comes up again.

For example: if you have to give a speech and you are afraid of public speaking, you cannot control the nerves. If you choose to avoid the situation, and avoid the speech, you will validate your fears. However, if you give the speech, the next time you need to speak public you will recall the last time and remember that you survived.

The other part of this, is that you can control your actions ahead of time. With the previous example, if you tell yourself that this is a great opportunity (whatever your situation), you are able to turn your negative nervousness into excitement. This is not easy, and not automatic. But you are able to change the protocol in your head.

This podcast episode is not long, but it does give some good information. Nobody else can control your thoughts, and you may not be able to control your feelings in a given circumstance, but you can control your actions. And by controlling your actions, you put yourself in charge of your feelings, not the other way around.